It was sometime after the It was sometime after the beginning of the new millennium and I was in my first year at the university. One evening, I was fetching water, when a young man walked up to me and struck up a conversation. He’d brought a friend of his to visit his girlfriend and was hanging around while the two lovebirds did what lovebirds do when they see each other. I was just someone with whom he could while away the time.
Wary of him, I was, for I’d heard many stories of the famous “October Rush”. He talked a lot and ended the conversation with the words, “I want to marry you.” I laughed and laughed and laughed. This didn’t seem to deter him as he began to relentlessly pursue me, showing up outside my lecture hall the next day, just as we were finishing for the day. One look at him and I began to run away, fast (I was quite the naïve little lady back then. This toasting went on for two years until a certain day in my third year. During a random phone call, he told me he was in the village, along with his parents. Why, I asked. “Because I’m getting married tomorrow,” he’d replied. “WHAT?” I exclaimed.
“Ehen, nah,” he’d said. “Since you don’t want to marry me, do you want me to remain single forever?”
I know what you’re thinking. See, I wasn’t shocked because I liked him. I was flabbergasted because the previous week, he’d told me he still wanted to marry me…..as soon as I got pregnant for him. I’d rejected his silly proposition, as usual. Now he was talking as if he’d met the woman just the day before and he was getting hitched out of frustration. I learned later on that said fiancée of his was six months pregnant and handpicked by his mother.
“So if I’d truly believed your words all these years, and you pulled this callous stunt, do you know I’d have been hurt?” I’d said.
That was when he gave me a stupendous answer.
“Well, that should teach you not to put all your eggs in one basket.”
I’d heard that phrase as a child but never heard it applied in such a way. And this is the way that many have learnt to apply it. You find many men and women in several committed relationships, because it connotes not putting all of one’s eggs in one basket. A man has Monday, Thursday and Saturday girls; a lady has main, ATM, recharge cards/BIS, and school assignment boyfriends. For some, it is done in ignorance, because the society around them endorses it and they know no better. For others, it is done in hurt, having been betrayed by past partners. From avarice to pain and ignorance, there is no justification for multi-dating.
This kind of relationship breeds lies and deceit of the worst kind and at some point, you will lose your conscience and the lies will catch up with you. You will hurt people and set in motion an endless cycle of revenge on other innocent people; lose your integrity and be known as a person of no character and overall, set up yourself to cheat on your spouse when you eventually get married.
No one person can have all the qualities he/she desires in a partner; one must learn to be content, for godliness with contentment is of great benefit. People and emotions can be fragile or volatile, depending on the individual. They are not toys; don’t play with them. They are much more important and valuable and should be treated as what they are. If you cannot commit to one person, you’ve got no business being in a committed union.
Relationships are not baskets and hearts are not eggs.